A Suspicion Confirmed

When you receive a diagnosis that will impact your child's life forever, how do you react? To say there are mixed emotions is an understatement.

The psychologists speak in very technical terms - but the bottom line is that this past week it was confirmed that my oldest daughter Cathrine has a cognitive disability. It's not an isolated learning disability. It's not a health issue we can fix with the right combination of medications. Nor is it an allergy to something we can avoid.

Yes, there is the question of whether many of the dreams we had for her will ever come true. Due to the level of her disability, she will not go to college. Unless God intervenes with a miracle, she will not have a normal high school experience either. At this point, I don't know whether she will mature enough to get married and have children. There are a lot of unknowns.

However, the biggest emotion I feel at this moment is gratitude. First, I'm so thankful she's alive and healthy. The 4-year-old son of a friend of the family is fighting for his life after an accident this past weekend. That puts everything in perspective for me. (Please pray for Jeremy in California)

Second, I'm relieved to have an answer for her challenges. Now, we can let go of some things we've been trying to get her to learn, and instead explore what she can do. This is a relief for her and us.

Third, I can just enjoy who she is without any pressure. I have felt like I had to help her "catch up" in so many areas. I would worry when she wasn't making gains in emotional maturity, or would act sillier than a child her age "should" act. But the truth is, she is delightful just as she is. This diagnosis helps me accept her that way, and release many expectations.

The other emotion I feel is anger. My daughter would likely be mentally whole if her mother had received proper pre-natal care. Or if Cathrine had received proper nutrition and health care as an infant and child. She also needed pre-school and elementary school education, and mental stimulation beyond playing in the dirt. She needed clean water, not a dirty puddle. Instead she was raised in the poorest of conditions you can imagine.

I'm not mad at anyone in particular, just a holy anger at poverty and neglect.

I believe God weeps when He sees His children neglected around the world. The bottom line is that you and I can actually do something about it. If every Christian in America would step up to care for one child, I wonder what we could do.

Today I'm going to make a blatant request for everyone reading this blog to sponsor a child somewhere in the world. And I can personally recommend Compassion International. I've seen their care of pregnant mothers, and the one-on-one training they give mothers of infants as to how to stimulate a baby's mind. I've seen their care of children from toddlers to teens. It's a holistic approach to caring for every part of a child's life - at all stages of life. And they do it in the name of Jesus.

If you can sponsor a child, please click on the Compassion International link on my blog for an easy connection.

My family already sponsors Luis in Ecuador. Now we are going to sponsor a second child - a little girl somewhere in Africa. Sadly, Compassion International isn't in Liberia, Africa yet. But my prayer is they will be someday.

I'm going to end this post as I sit listening to the joyous laughter of a little girl named Cathrine. And thank God I've been given the opportunity to be her mother.

Christmas blessings,

Glynnis

Planning for Christmas

The tree is decorated, re-usable Advent calendar filled with treats, and a cinnamon bayberry candle is scenting the air with the smells of Christmas.

I'm actually amazed at myself, because this hasn't been my M.O. for the past few years. Normally by the 1st of December I'm just starting to think about those types of things. But this year, I wanted my family's Christmas experience to be filled with more than Mom's frustration at not being able to get things done.

So I set some priorities in November for what I wanted to see happen in December. One of them was creating a cozy home for my husband and children. Truth is, I'm more at peace when things are in order. So that's a priority for me because it removes a frustration trigger.

I also wanted to enter into the season of Christmas being able to focus more on relationships and less on the getting ready part of it.

I tend to look at December in the rear view mirror with more regrets than I want. And my regrets center around three things:

1) Not focusing on Jesus enough.

2) Not spending time with my family enjoying the season.

3) Not showing His love to others.

My goal this month is to eliminate those regrets by planning ahead. To help me do that, I put together a calendar, which you can see here. With God's help, here is how I plan on prioritizing the most important things:

1) Focus more on Jesus

I found Advent Devotions online for free. My goal is to read these as a family every day. Our Advent calendar holds two candies for each day. These will be given out to those who show a spirit of Christmas . http://www.adventdevotions.net/ & http://www.d365.org/

2) Spend time with family enjoying the season

I've added a few events which we will do as a family. Only one has a charge.

3) Reach out to others

I've always wanted to invite a few friends over who are without family - so that's on a Saturday night. I've also wanted to bless my neighbors and pastors with some homemade treats. I grew up next to a family that made cookies and candies every year and then delivered a plate to us. Finally, I've got a cookie decorating afternoon scheduled for children. There are some kids in the neighborhood I want to invite, plus some family friends.

If you'd like to receive a copy of my calendar, just post a comment sharing one goal you have for this Christmas season, and how you want to accomplish it. If you leave me your contact information, I'll send you my calendar in a PDF or in Publisher 2007 (or an earlier version) - whichever you prefer. If you get it in Publisher, you can just delete my events and add your own.

My prayer for you is that God leads you to set some priorities that are right for you and your family.

In His Love,

Glynnis

Getting Ready for Christmas

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and I have to admit, I'm thinking ahead. Oh yes, I'm going to fully enjoy the day tomorrow. I've been intentionally cultivating a heart of thankfulness this week. But I'm really ready for Christmas this year.

Just this past weekend I walked into my local Starbucks and felt a surge of joy. Not just because a gingerbread latte was waiting for me on the other side of the counter. But because I LOVE the promise it holds for the spirit of Christmas.

I've learned the season of Christmas is what I make it to be. I can choose to put Jesus first place in my life each and every day - or I can put Him somewhere down on my to-do list. The difference is huge.

The past several years have been very hectic for me. Two years ago I never got the Christmas tree decorated. It had lights ONLY because it was a pre-lit tree - but no decorations. There was lots I didn't get done that year, but the most painful admission to make is what else I missed. I missed the joy of Jesus' birthday. I missed the sweet presence of my Savior.

Never again!

This Christmas I've already made a list of priorities - and it isn't long. But it highlights the most important things to me this year. It's manageable and it's Christ-focused. I'm not one of those people who schedules every moment - but I've realized there is more peace and joy when I plan for the important things.

This weekend is a perfect time for you to do some prayerful prioritizing for the upcoming month. Consider what is most important to you and your family, and make a list. Then take your list and put it on a calendar. Make "appointments" that you don't want to miss!

If you are looking for some ways to bring more Jesus-focus to your Christmas, I'd love to recommend a resource my friend Marybeth Whalen wrote, called "A Recipe for Christmas Joy."

It is wonderful! She has filled it with the perfect balance of spiritual and practical components. For instance, she's included a week-by-week countdown, recipes and gift ideas. But she also has devotions on how to make Jesus the centerpiece of your holiday, how to be intentional and how to reach out to others.

I'm going to try one of her recipes tomorrow for Monkey Bread. It's oh so easy, and I know my family will love it. Then for Christmas morning, I'll be trying her breakfast casserole with grits, sausage and cheese. I'm also going to put together some of the food gifts she recommends. I'm particularly interested in one involving pretzels, Hershey's kisses and M&Ms. The kids will love helping me make those.

What I love about Marybeth's guide is that it's not all about formal lists and forms. It's about inviting the Maker of Joy into your heart and home at Christmas, and then sharing that Joy with others.

If you want to read more about it, visit Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Happy Thanksgiving ... and an early Merry Christmas!!

In His Love,

Glynnis

When a Woman is Lonely

Yesterday I wrote a post about how to help your child make friends. After reading the comments, I realized that most were from women who are experiencing loneliness. One woman asked me how I found friends, so I decided to share some more of my own experience during that lonely time.

First, let me say that I am in introvert by nature. I can play the extrovert role in certain situations (like She Speaks, or when I'm speaking somewhere). But by nature, I'm quiet. All I really need is a few good friends, and I'm content.

But when we moved, I didn't even have that. While I'm not shy at all, my tendency is to not invite myself into pre-existing groups. So one of the best things we did was to attend a church that was relatively new and growing. That way, there were very few groups already formed, and lots of women who had recently relocated just like me.

Then, I started attending a Bible study. At that time, my son Robbie was three. So I had to find a group where there was childcare. It was in that group that I found one of my closest friends.

I also made friends by volunteering. I love to tell the story of how I connected with Proverbs 31. Soon after we started attending our church, Lysa TerKeurst gave her testimony one Sunday. I didn't know who she was, but I was moved by her story. That very same week, I heard her on the radio talking about Proverbs 31 Ministries. Then I heard God tell me to call her and volunteer. Somehow I tracked her phone number down, and called her. I told her how I had just moved, had a degree in journalism and was wondering if she needed any volunteers. She paused and said, "We've been praying for someone with a degree in journalism."

Being obedient to God's gentle nudge changed my life and has given the best friends a woman can have. Even though most of them are extroverts, they've found a place in their hearts for me.

Finally, I tended to look for women who looked as lonely as me. I'm touched by Jesus' heart for those on the fringes of a group. I want to have a heart for those who feel left out too.

But most importantly, I prayed for a friend. And God answered, abundantly.

Even though God eventually provided me with friends, He also allowed me to go through a time where (other than my family) I had no one. During that time, He revealed Himself to me in new ways. Although I'd been a Christian all my life, I'd never really heard God speak directly to me. When I was lonely, I started hearing His voice in my spirit. God put scripture verses into my mind I didn't know I had memorized. It was an amazing time of renewal for me, and it continues to this day.

I think God had to strip all my self-dependency away for me to see how much I needed Him. And it took an extended time of loneliness for me to truly understand the depth of that need.

If you are lonely today, I invite you to lean into Jesus. Let Him know of the pain you are feeling and allow Him to fill you up. Grab a cup of coffee, go sit at your kitchen table and imagine Jesus sitting across from you. I promise you that your loneliness will ease.

In His Love,

Glynnis

Helping Kids Make Friends

A warm welcome to those of you who are visiting after reading my devotion entitled, "Making the Most of Loneliness." If you're like me, you feel every ounce of your child's pain. Sometimes it's hard for us to help our children because of that.

I can still remember the physical pain of loneliness when I moved 2000 miles away from all my friends and family. I definitely took friendships for granted after living in the same city all my life. I didn't realize how hard it was to find compatible friendships. But I'm a problem solver by nature, so it didn't take long for me to figure out ways to connect with others.

But our children don't often have those skills. And most children are bound up in playground hierarchies that make it even more difficult to navigate friendships. Once children are too old for their moms to set play dates, what are the options for helping?

There are things parents can do. I'm happy to share some of these tips today. If you like my practical approach to helping kids overcome issues, I hope you'll consider getting my book, "When Your Child is Hurting," available through Proverbs 31 Ministries, or on Amazon.

Here are just a few ideas to help your child deal with loneliness and make friends:

1. Pray with, and for, your child for God to bring a friend. This can be a faith-builder when children see God answer their prayers.

2. Work on conversation skills. Discuss the importance of being a good listener, and asking open-ended, follow-up questions. Role play how to ask questions, like:
What did you do this weekend?
What’s your favorite sport to play? Why?
What do you like best about school?
If you could give away $1000, what would you do with it?
If you could have dinner with one person, who would it be and why?

3. Be an inviter. Help your child plan a special event, and then encourage him or her to invite a friend. This can be done very easily and affordably. For instance, you could:
Bake and decorate Christmas cookies
Make a model airplane
Make home-made gift tags from used greeting cards
Play a game of Frisbee golf
Take a hike and have a picnic
Attend a church event

4. Invest in your child's interests. Some of my best friends have developed out of common interests. But finding and developing your child's interests is a learning process. It’s best to ease into new experiences. For example, take classes through your city recreation department before you invest $500 in sports equipment your child might not like in a month. When you do find something your child loves, then invest in that interest. Whether it's scouts, athletics, arts, music or dance, your child will immediately have a connection with other children in her class or team.

5. Introduce your child to Jesus as his best-friend. I wrote this in my devotion, but it bears repeating. Does your child have a Bible she can read? If not, this is a perfect time to buy one. Then your child can read for herself about our God who never leaves us alone, who is always near and who longs to be our friend. Learning to turn to the Bible is difficult times will be a source of life-long comfort.

I pray these ideas have sparked more for you. We can make a difference in our children's lives, and help prepare them for the future. Because there will always be times of loneliness.

In His Love,

Glynnis

A Different Dream for My Child

I've had a few times in my life, when a doctor's words have changed my future. The first was when at the age of 11 months, my oldest son Josh was put in glasses. I remember holding it together in the doctor's office and then sobbing all the way home.

The fears of the future overwhelmed me, with thoughts like: If he needs glasses now, will he eventually go blind? How will other children tease him? Will we be facing surgery because of his eye condition?

My heart broke for my precious baby boy and all that the doctor's diagnosis would mean for him in his life. Some of my fears did come true. Josh did need surgery at 18 months. He also wore a patch over one eye until he was 7 years old. And I'm sure some kids did tease him. And his bad vision did impact his ability to play sports.

But my 18-year-old son is happy, healthy and exploring other God-given gifts like music and studying to become a teacher. So once I got over the disappointment, I was able to move on to all other ways God would use my son.

Now I'm facing another doctor's diagnosis. This one is more life-altering. And I'm writing this today to remind myself that this diagnosis isn't a surprise to my God. He knew this was coming and he already has a plan to use my beautiful daughter Cathrine, and to create an amazing life for her.

Four years ago today, my two daughters stepped on American soil for the first time. Previously, their life in Liberia, Africa consisted of the most deprivation you can imagine. Never enough food, little protective oversight, no schooling, no books ... just a life of survival. (Cathrine is on the right)

When they joined our family, they blossomed like lovely roses. We saw them go from scared, emotionally frozen children, into confident, healthy, curious, laughing little girls.

Ruth, who was 8 when she arrived, took to learning like a sponge. She adores books and will often initiate learning about a specific subject. Although she is a few grades behind her biological age, it's a perfect fit for her developmentally. Within a year of extra help with language skills, Ruth was speaking clearly and in almost perfect English.

Cathrine arrived at age 10 (almost 11), and struggled with learning and language. Even with hundreds of hours of extra tutoring, she couldn't seem to grasp some basic concepts. She didn't grasp language either, and talks with a heavy accent in poor grammar. The education experts were confounded, and were certain the more time was needed for her to understand. They pointed to her background, and her deprivation, and explained away the poor test results. They gave her several IQ tests, and disregarded the results saying they didn't think they could get an accurate score because of all the extenuating circumstances.

That's when I started homeschooling her - certain that all she needed was consistent one-on-one help. But a month into it, I could see that something was wrong. She just didn't understand things.

So we had Cathrine tested by an educational psychologist, and have confirmed what my gut has been telling me for years. There is more ... and sadly it's not a learning disability we can address. Yesterday he told me my lovely, active, athletic, responsible, social daughter is mildly mentally retarded.

You would never know. Cathrine is conscientious, helpful, kind, thoughtful, funny, caring and loves her family and friends. But when you get a little closer, you see things that just don't click with her. Like when she asked if I will be her grandmother when I get older.

So now we face a new future. And just like I did 18 years ago, I'm struggling to keep the fear at bay.

But ... I've walked with my God long enough to not give in to that fear. Here's what I know today:

God has Cathrine in His hand, cradling, and lovingly protecting her.
God knew this was coming and hand-picked my husband and I to be her parents.
God will equip me to deal with this.
God has a future planned for Cathrine, and He will use her to do amazing things.

I am very thankful to finally have a diagnosis because now we can let go of some things and embrace others. And explore ways to help her develop into her full potential.

God's Word brings me much hope, and I can't help thinking about Jeremiah 29:11:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

A friend of mine wrote a book titled, "A Different Dream for My Child." That title really connects with me. I'm still dreaming for my daughter, only it's a different dream than I had yesterday morning.

If you'd like to hear more about our journey down this path, please post a comment and let me know. I struggle with this blog thing, and am never sure what people want to read. And of course, I would love your prayers.

If you are facing a diagnosis for a child you love, I want to recommend a great resource to you, written by a friend of mine, Jolene Philo. It's called "A Different Dream for My Child." It's a book of devotions to help parents when there child is facing a serious health condition. Click here to visit a website she has set up to help parents, and read more about the book.

In His Love,

Glynnis

What Seems Impossible to You Today?

What seems impossible to you today?

Is it achieving your dreams? Restoring a relationship? Finding a job? Getting married? Having children?

There's a lot we look at in life and thinks it's impossible for us. Maybe we think we are too old or too young. Too busy. Too sick. Too tired. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not good enough. Not focused enough.

Today I want to encourage you to dream ... and then place that dream in the hands of the One who can make it POSSIBLE.

Matthew 19: 26 says, "Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'"

Every morning, when you get up, take your dream or problem and place it in the hands of God, saying: "Lord, today you know what I'm facing. You know my dreams. I can't do this alone. But You can. Please make this possible for me today."

Here's a quote that might encourage you too. It was sent to me by someone who read it on a sign in a sports store. I wish I could give the author proper credit.

Impossible.

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier
to live in the world they've been given, than to explore the power they have to
change it.

Impossible is not a fact - it's an opinion.

Impossible is not a declaration - it's a dare.

Impossible is potential.

Impossible is temporary.

My prayer for you is that your "impossible" would turn into "possible." And that God would get all the glory when it does.

In His Love,

Glynnis